the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
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