how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
