bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
