East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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