That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
