Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
