I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
