How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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