I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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