After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
