Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
