apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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