and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
