He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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