If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
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