turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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