the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
