I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
