I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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