I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
The beer is more important than you right now.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
