According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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