Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
