You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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