Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
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