No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
