I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
