We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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