So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
