Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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