Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
