What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I'm eating all of the evidence.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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