i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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