Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
