my phone needs a breathalizer
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
