In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
