I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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