this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Randomize
