watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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