My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
