her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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