So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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