After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Randomize
