Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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