Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
