see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
