Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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