Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
