i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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