the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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