My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
