Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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