Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
