We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
