I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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