Sorry, I don't speak sober.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
